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elfinheimer
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Name: miss
Gender: Female
Interests: you
Expertise: hugs
Occupation: just an ordinary superhero : )
Industry: THE INDUSTRY OF LOVEEEE
Message: message me
Member Since:
7/14/2005
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| "You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation - trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."
— Tupac Shakur | | |
| especially now,
it's elusive as ever,
Sleep, where have you been.
it was a huge blow,
the person i defended,
that's not really you.
lies, lies, outright lies,
echoing in the silence,
along with goodbyes.
i almost forgot
the vague distinction between
needing and wanting
i loved the idea
unrealistically so,
too much, way too much.
but i see it now,
the truth, as much as it hurts,
no more false pretense.
a week of pure hell,
there's nowhere to go but up
better is better
outlets for anger,
feelings of betrayal, and
heart-shaped emotion
you owe me closure,
honest fiery farewells
and i will succeed. | | |
| and here i am,
a little more than one week later.
the past 7 days have been.. interesting.
or well, that'd be one way to put it.
7 days of the inability to really sleep.
waking up at 8 in the morning,
feeling exhausted and yet
unable to go back to sleep
not that sleep was the blissful escape i wanted anyway.
7 days of dreams of impossibilities
or of the wish to believe in her so-called goodness
days and nights of brooding.
days and nights of thinking,
along with
anger,
bitterness,
jealousy,
sadness.
waking up with this heavy feeling,
a somewhat inexplicable panicky feeling,
as if i was drowning,
with no life jacket, no hope,
with no one there.
needless to say, those 7 days were hell,
but this is day 8,
and i gotta say,
there's no where to go but up.
feeling better is the first step to feeling awesome.
maybe i'm finally feeling as if those fire-y goodbyes
are finally taking flight. | | |
| that will be the ultimate goal - acceptance and closure.
the point when i won't even care, when i'm just indifferent to the flashbacks of her,
to the things that remind me of her,
to the memories of her,
the point when i no longer dream about her
the point when i can just laugh about the good times,
and that's that.
the point when, if i ever saw her on the street, it wouldn't hurt, and it wouldn't be awkward,
the point when i could maybe just say hi, and bye, and leave it at that.
time heals all wounds,
but i think i need to help time do its job.
i need to stop focussing on someone who doesn't matter,
who doesn't appreciate me as a friend,
who doesn't stay consistent
who is always confusing
who tries to put the blame on others,
who twists events to her advantage.
she's just a dead weight memory that will soon fade.
easier said than done? | | |
| it's been three long days
haunting dreams won't leave me be
still a little shocked
how dare you twist things
i did not take advantage
of your frailty
everyone was right
i was defending a lie
you owe me closure
i deserve to speak
you owe me that much at least
it's not all 'bout you
you erased yourself
from facebook from everything
i guess that's what's best
i hope you regret
cutting me out as a friend
are you happy now
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